remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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