Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
