i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize