So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
