Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
