Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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