exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
