It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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