see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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