Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
