How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
