Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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