Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
