There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's shark week go big or go home
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
