i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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