i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
