Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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