only if we run a train.
done.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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