if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
