i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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