found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
