is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
