Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
