I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
