I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
