so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
