I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
