i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
