U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
