omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
