When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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