I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize