maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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