could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My liver just had a heart attack.
I will pee on everything he values.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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