And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
