So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
