Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
