She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
