I got chris browned last night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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