i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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