After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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