SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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