so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
