I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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