I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
