I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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