I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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