There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
