My pussy is not your playground.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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