If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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