How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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