Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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