those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
