Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
