I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
