my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
