Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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