To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
