My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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