I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
