the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
