One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
