Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had sex on a roof
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
