Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it hurts more in the daytime
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize