JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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