Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
