I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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