Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize