Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
