We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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