I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
