Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize