Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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