One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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