she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
