please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
