Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
only you would photoshop your dick
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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