My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
