he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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