Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
