Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
