Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
