he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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