final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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