I'm so fucking centered right now
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
