Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
