i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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