That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
