Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
