yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
