Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
