All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
