I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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