Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
