the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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