u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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