New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
