Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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