ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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