I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
