I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
