If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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