even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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